Ironic Spam

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Candy Bar Poem

I heard this on the radio today and thought it was pretty funny =P

One Payday, Mr. Goodbar wanted a Bit-O-Honey, so he took his old lady, Mrs. Hershey on the corner of 5th Avenue & Clark. He began to feel her Mounds and to him that was an Almond Joy, which made his Tootsie Roll! Then, he let out some Snickers and slipped his Butterfinger up her Kit-Kat, which of course caused a Milky-Way! She screamed " O-Henry! ", and she squeezed his Peter Paul , & said, "your better than the 3 Musketeers! "

Song: From the Ashez by Joe Buchmann

Chorus:
From the ashes I rise
Burned off all of your lies
And I will shed no more tears
Cause now I'm learning to fly
Everything I can see
And all you've taken from me
I see the hate that's in your eyes
Now it means nothing to me

Now that you're gone I'm singing songs
I'm landing back on my feet
I let it go I'll let you know
Just how I feel on these beats

You slept around you fucking whore
You're like a fucking disease
You drink a little meet a guy
And you get down on your knees

And I was stupid I was dumb
To let you back in my bed
Guess all the time I spent with you
Has got me fucked in the head

Never again make that mistake
Cause now I've opened my eyes
I swear to god you'll never see me
Falling over your lies

I'm moving on in my life
Another road that I've found
I look around in all directions
And you're nowhere around

And I can't even describe
How good it's making me feel
To know I never have to choke
And try to swallow your pill

Chorus:
From the ashes I rise
Burned off all of your lies
And I will shed no more tears
Cause now I'm learning to fly
Everything I can see
And all you've taken from me
I see the hate that's in your eyes
Now it means nothing to me

So many days and many nights
You had me living in hell
Prayin' to God to make it stop
And let me outta my shell

To take the bottle from your lips
And make you right in your head
So that I never come home again
to you drunk on the bed

While our kids are out swimming
All by themselves in the pool
And everybody looks at me
Like I'm a god damned fool

Cause they all know about you
Fucking with the man next door
While I'm at work without a clue
That you're a god damned whore

Well now I've seen it now I'm done
And everything that you did
Has come to light and I can see
Now I'm done with this shit

I turn around to see you fall
And hit the bottom again
I walk away forget I know
You'll hit the bottle again

Chorus:
From the ashes I rise
Burned off all of your lies
And I will shed no more tears
Cause now I'm learning to fly
Everything I can see
And all you've taken from me
I see the hate that's in your eyes
Now it means nothing to me

So now I'm hearin' that you think
I want you back and I cry
I'm stalkin' you and that I
Really give a damn for your life

You run around tellin' these lies
I'll call you out on this bitch
Playin' with fire, in my eyes
I'll watch you burn on the stick

Because I never wanted this
And I don't care for your games
You need to get yourself together
Get the hell off of me

You're probably thinkin' I'm bitter
In all these words that I say
But I can thank you for making me
Who I am today

A stronger person who's thankful
In everything that I do
Appreciation for another
That'll never be you

Chorus:
From the ashes I rise
Burned off all of your lies
And I will shed no more tears
Cause now I'm learning to fly
Everything I can see
And all you've taken from me
I see the hate that's in your eyes
Now it means nothing to me

Song: Severed Wings by Joe Buchmann

*This one is not a rap song, but more of a rock type song. Yes it's very metaphorical.....and yes, it does directly relate to things in my life.

This is the story of my life
It falls with me into the grave
And rots away with all the flesh
So no one else can feel the pain

And yet somehow it lives beyond
It never ceases to exist
I think I hope I found a way
To turn my curse into a gift

This ray of light I'm clinging to
These wings of hope I try to breed
But somehow Darkness turns to me
And makes them so damn hard to feed

***** *****
Now THIS PAIN

Is everything I AM
It's everything I'LL BE
It's everything THAT'S REAL
And everything IN ME

DAMN SHAME

I'm broken down SO FAR
That I'm begging EVERYDAY
To take it from MY LIFE
Or take me to MY GRAVE
***** *****

Now with this rope around my neck
I try to breathe another day
The knife that sits upon my shelf
It seems so close but far away

But as I choke and gasp for air
I swallow hard to hide the shame
My hand again it falls before me
One more time to feel the rain

These angels break themselves for me
And see me suffer while I cry
But in their voices I can hear
How much they need to say goodbye

***** *****
Now THIS PAIN

Is everything I AM
It's everything I'LL BE
It's everything THAT'S REAL
And everything IN ME

DAMN SHAME

I'm broken down SO FAR
That I'm begging EVERYDAY
To take it from MY LIFE
Or take me to MY GRAVE
***** *****

This beast that lives within the dark
It reaches out to clip my wings
And in it's narcissistic ways
Carouses in the pain it brings

But as the scales will start to tip
I'll take my torch and set to flames
This beast and everything it stands for
Watch it it burn and scream in vain

And in my eyes will be no sorrow
Just reflections of the scene
From a single teardrop falling
For everything it took from me

***** *****
Now THIS PAIN

Is everything I AM
It's everything I'LL BE
It's everything THAT'S REAL
And everything IN ME

DAMN SHAME

I'm broken down SO FAR
That I'm begging EVERYDAY
To take it from MY LIFE
Or take me to MY GRAVE
***** *****

99 and 1 Ways To Die By Death

For those who don't already know, my boss is an actor by night. This is a preview of his part in their upcoming play. He wrote this part himself and I think it's pretty funny.

Awwwww, QQ Some More!

It seems that Someone's feelings got hurt by reading my blog. So sad. Now she wants to try and have an order for me to remove my blog. I guess she's never heard of freedom of speech. The fact is, I haven't listed any specific details about her or any events that surround her. Only my feelings about things in my life. It just happens to be that she is part of my life, whether anyone likes it or not. I am going to take her first name out of the blog and replace it with "my ex" or "their mom". I'm just going to automate it, so if anyone reads the previous posts they may look funny in those spots. lol.

I really would love to say something like, "My ex has been great lately! She's been working well with me on this co-parenting thing and seems to be moving on in her life." Unfortunately, she hasn't given me any good things to write about yet. In her mind I'm some bad guy who's out to get her. That's really not the case. I want nothing more than for things to settle into a state of normalcy and peace. It's really up to her though to start thinking along those lines too, instead of trying to figure out how to get back at me.

Hopefully over time she will be able to come to that point where she realizes that this is about our kids and not her and I. We are going down two very different roads in life but will remain connected for quite some time. The way I view it, our kids should be the only connection between us. She should focus on excelling in her own life, as should I. Completely separate. I know it's possible for this to happen since I have met people who have done it. I also know people who have fought it out all the way until the kids were 18. Not a good route to take. Why not accept the situation for what it is and try to make the best of it?

Anyways, that's all for now.

A Nut Can Apparently Get Nuttier!

OMG! I need to vent!!! Any time I think my ex might have some sense of being normal, she goes and does crazy things! Last night she wrote me a bunch of text messages about things that don't even make sense. Apparently she thinks I'm somehow stalking her now. Wow! Who the hell would want to stalk her anyways.

Today I got a call from my lawyer informing me that she wrote him an email. The email states that she is going to ask to shorten my time with the kids based on the fact that I cancelled some dr. appointments. I did cancel a couple of appointments because she made them without my knowledge. But half of the email is made up stuff to try and justify her case. It seems she really has no end to when and what she will lie about! God help me! I seriously think she has something wrong with her head.

I guess that will teach me not to sit here in a sense of complacency in regards to anything to do with her. She's always scheming and trying to come up with her next big.....well.....lie I guess. lol.

Alexis the Artist

It seems that Lexi is developing an affinity for art, just like her daddy =) This is a self portrait she drew at school with no help from any one else. I am extremely proud and want to share it with everyone! Click on it for a larger view, or here for the full size.

From the Ashes - Learning to Fly

Life is so much different now. This is a very good thing. With all that has happened in the past couple of months and continues to happen now, I've realized one very important thing. That is the fact that no matter how hard it may be to go through this, my life has seen a 1000% improvement over what it use to be. This is the definitely the road that I needed to take, for me and for my kids. I get to see them 50% of the time now, which is so much better than the four days I had in the month and a half before the hearing.

I've also noticed a change in the kids' behavior lately too. I'm not sure exactly why, but they have been so much more well behaved. At least when they're with me anyways. I'm guessing it's because they aren't living in a battle zone anymore. My home has become a very peaceful (and clean) place to be. I'm just really happy to see that both Alexis and Avery are handling this whole custody thing very well.

For Avery I think it may be a little easier because of his young age. The biggest thing for him is that now there is a "Dad's House" and a "Mom's House". Alexis on the other hand, has a lot more to deal with. I've got to say that I am extremely proud of her for how grown up she has been. She really understands that it's not her fault, unlike a lot of children in this situation. She also seems to understand there will eventually be two families when Dad meets someone and when Mom meets someone.

Unfortunately though, she does seem to be very emotional lately. She will get upset and cry about things that she normally wouldn't have. I can't blame her for that and I try my best to remind her that things are good and we don't need to get that upset over the little stuff.

On the brighter side of things, the kids are both loving their new summer activities. I had to find daycare arrangements for the time they are with me and I'm at work. Avery has been in Pre-school for a few weeks now. It was so awesome to see how excited he was on his first day and still is every day he gets to go. He has a best friend named chris and has so much fun learning and doing all the activites they do.

Lexi is out of school for the summer and is attending Adventure Day Camp. She is also thoroughly enjoying her new summer activity. They get to swim, play sports, do arts and crafts, and so much more. Both of the kids are so happy when I pick them up after work and it makes me feel great to see them that way. I hope thier mom is able to find a way to let them attend on the days they are with her.

Currently they are in their second week of swimming lessons. This is a two week program that their mom enrolled them in, and I'm really glad she did. Lexi has been swimming since she was very little and is really good at it. Because of this they bumped her up to a more advanced class than she was originally in. Avery hasn't had as much opportunity to swim so it's really great to see him getting instruction from trained swimmers. He has a little trouble being left there with the instructors initially, but always winds up in the water and having a great time. Again, seeing how happy they are afterward always makes my day. I make it a point to go watch them even on the days they are with their mom.

So in all this I realize something. That this is an entirely new life for all of us.....and I love it! I love seeing my kids happier, I love being happier, and I really hope everything works out for their mom. If she can get past her desires to play games and focus on being a parent, then this will work out just fine for all of us. I really want my kids to be happy at my house as well as when they are with their mom. So I guess time will tell.

Till then, keep smiling and always focus on the good things in life =)

From the Ashes - Visualization

This is an image I've had in my head for awhile. Now I've finally translated it to the screen. Hope you like =) And yes....it is me in the image. Click on it to make it bigger.

From the Ashes - My Suffering

I guess along with rebirth comes some further suffering. It's not the same as the hell she put me through before, but very difficult nonetheless. I can't help but wonder why anyone would choose to live their life by taking joy in others' pain. This is exactly the type of person my ex is. Most anyone who's reading this already knows that. If you don't know that about her yet, you will eventually.

Unfortunately, I made a very poor choice in choosing her as the mother of my children. The bright side of the bright side is that I have two very wonderful children now. I guess somehow from the pits of hell two angels can still be brought to life.

The struggle for me now is knowing that I have to fight for custody against someone who has become, quite literally, a master of manipulation. People who just meet her always fall for her "feel sorry for me" cries for pity. She then uses that to manipulate everyone around her into a web of deceit.

I've been caught up in this web for so long and so many times, it's a miracle I've managed to crawl out before completely succumbing into madness. Being on the outside of the web I see now so many things I was blind to before. I guess I just wanted to believe so badly that there was a decent person in my ex that I chose to ignore a lot. To put in the words of someone I love, "I like to see the best in people too, but you see them through rose colored glasses. You have to know when to realize that a person is not doing good things or being a good person."

I also chose to continue a relationship with my ex under the guise that it was better for the kids. Well now I see that this is not the case. My daughter is only seven and has witnessed behaviors in her own mother that no child should ever have to see. A lot of these incidents are alcohol induced, but not always.

For so long she made me feel to be less than a man by continually degrading me as a person, as a father, and as a human being. I've spent nights trapping myself in my own bedroom, covering my head with blankets and praying to God to, "Please just make her stop". Looking back this sounds kind of ridiculous, but I remember all to well how I felt on each of these occasions.

Several times I wasn't able to barricade the door so I just covered my head and prayed for it to end. It seemed to go on forever with the yelling, more drinking, more intense yelling, more drinking, and then finally when I still hadn't responded it came to her pouncing on me and physically hitting me.

Those were the longest nights of my life. I really wonder if Hell is any worse. Those are the types of things my children witnessed. Those are the types of things that are making me fight so hard to make sure they aren't raised by her full time. I don't want to imagine what kind of things they will go through if I'm not around.

I know a lot of people may wonder why I never called the police. The reason is because when we lived in Spokane and went through similar instances, I did call the police. She went to jail more than once. Upon moving to California I made a promise to never call the police on her again and I felt obligated to that promise. In hindsight, I wish I had thought differently.

On the outside and around other people, she continues to weave her webs. I believed for so long that everyone living in the apartments around us were crazy and were causing problems for my ex. Six months after moving away from that complex she had me convinced that those people were still harassing her. It was a shock (although it shouldn't have been) when I found out that nobody there even cared about her and she was doing things just to keep me feeling sorry for her.

Over the years I have shut out some good people in my life because I thought it would help my relationship with my ex. I want everyone to know that I am sorry for that and I'm so very happy that you never gave up on me. Right now I'm really leaning on all of you and you've all been there willing to help me hold up the weight. I really couldn't ask for better friends and family in this life and I hope you all know that I feel that way.

It seems so unfair that someone like me who genuinely is a good parent has to fight so hard against someone who is only concerned about themselves and retaliation, or just plain being mean. I know my ex loves the children, but I truly believe in my heart that she is not the more adequate parent to raise them. I am now praying to God that justice will prevail and I will be able to prove beyond a shadow of a doubt that this is true.

Making things more difficult is the fact that she has two key people willing to fight for her. One is her sister whom is so entranced by my ex's compliments and friendly behaviors toward her, that she follows my ex like a lost puppy. I have absolutely nothing against Amy, but it is too bad that she has no idea who this person really is.

The other is Gene. To repeat what someone who knows him said, "Gene? You mean that old pervert guy?!!". I have lost all respect for that man as a decent human being. I spent so many years defending him and telling everyone that he is a really good guy and just likes to help people. Boy do I feel dumb now. He is an older man (probably in his 50's) who tends to prey upon young girls in their 20's who don't have much family, or are having a lot of problems. The weak kind. I have recently found out that he is willing to lie just as much as my ex to help her win her case. In my ex's case, I think she is using him more that he is using her. But I'm sure he's getting plenty out of the deal.

All in all, this is what I'm up against. Again I thank everyone for your continued support in seeing me through this. I know a lot of this kind of rambles on, but I feel better having written it.

Much love to all of you!

P.S. After sharing the lyrics for "Blame Me" I've been told there is a more suitable song for me so I'll post those lyrics now. The funny thing is that this song has been my ringtone when my ex calls me for the past year or so. lol.

Seether: Breakdown

The sun is gone and the flowers rot
Words are spaces between us
And I should've been drown in the rivers I've found of token lost
And I should've been down when you made me insecure

So break me down if it makes you feel right
And hate me now if it keeps you alright
You can break me down if it takes all your might
'cause I'm so much more than meets the eye

And I'm the one you can never trust
'cause wounds are ways to reveal us
And yeah I could have tried and devoted my life to both of us
But what a waste of my time when the world we have is yours

So break me down if it makes you feel right
And hate me now if it keeps you alright
You can break me down if it takes all your might
'cause I'm so much more than all your lies

Hate me, break me down
So break me down
So break me down
So break me down if it makes you feel right
And hate me now if it keeps you alright
You can break me down if it takes all your might
'cause I'm so much more than meets the eye

Worth 1K First Place Entry

Looking back at my blog I realized I never posted my last winning entry on W1K. This was an image manipulation theme.

I turned this:


Into this:


See it on Worth 1000.

From the Ashes - My Rebirth

The past week or so has been very difficult for me and others that I love. In essence, my relationship with Lexi and Avery's mother has reached a definitive end. Now we have the painstaking task of child custody to muddle through. My hopes are for a peaceful solution, but it seems chances are slim for that.

I don't want to share any details online as to my plans or what I think may happen, but I will do my best to keep friends and family updated. I want everyone to know how much I appreciate your continued support. I feel really lucky to have so many people that care about me. Thank You!

I just listened to some lyrics that feel very fitting right now so I'm going to post them. I've also been listening to a "breakup" list that I made on playlist.com.

Adema - Blame Me
I'm always gonna be one life behind
That's why I'm all alone
What's it gonna take to make you see
That we are falling apart
I wonder can we throw away the past
So we can stop the screaming match
I'm not gonna break down anymore
I've found my way to the door

I can see through both of us
It's an issue over trust
It's killing me it's killing me
To watch you leave me

I've tried to talk about what's really wrong
I see that look of discontent
The volume starts to rise and then it's on
That's why I have to go
Dealing with the pain is all that's left
Because we can not get along
You wanna put the blame on me again
I think that we have reached the end

I can see through both of us
It's an issue over trust
It's killing me it's killing me
To watch you leave me

I can see through both of us
It's an issue over trust
You keep blaming me
blaming me for what you do to me.

It's your turn to watch me leave you
It's your turn to watch me leave you
It's your turn to watch me leave you

I can see through both of us
It's an issue over trust
It's killing me it's killing me
To watch you leave me

I can see through both of us
It's an issue over trust
You keep blaming me
blaming me for what you do to me.

Ponder This Archive

A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty

-Winston Churchill

---

The past is history. The future is a mystery. But today is a gift. That's why it's called the Present

-Master Oogway: Kung Fu Panda

---

Eventually you have to stop looking at life and start living it!

-The Legend of Butch and Sundance

---

When you focus on what you want in life, what you don't want falls away

-Rhonda Byrne: The Secret

---

There's more to life than said, and there's more to me than met

-Smile Empty Soul: Bright Side

---

Brandon's First Wallpaper

I just gotta say how proud I am of my cousin. Currently he is in college learning web design and various other skills. Recently he's been working on his Photoshop skills and came up with this great wallpaper while following one of my tutorials. Just thought I would share it with the world.

First Photoshop Tutorial is Live!!

I'm totally stoked! My first tutorial has been written and is now live! Make sure to check it out on my PS Tutorial Collective blog, or on my site here.

Photoshop Tutorial Collective

On starting tutorials I decided that in addition to writing my own, I should have a collection of my favorite tutorials. Therefore, I created the Photoshop Tutorial Collective! This will be where I will link to my tutorials and lots of other wonderful tutorials that I find. Also, I will add other resources such as brushes, etc.

Since I just created it today, there's not much to look at yet =P But please check back frequently as I will be updating as much as I can. I'm resolving to add at least one tutorial per week. Hopefully more!

To get there click on this link or the one on the right hand side of the page.

Tutorials

I've had a lot of questions about how I create my wallpapers. I decided that I should write tutorials and post them on my website. I'm going to start with this new wallpaper I made.



The tutorial hasn't been written yet, but I'll re-post as soon as it's done.

The KitchenAid Transformation

One of the sites I work on is KitchenAidCookware.com. The person who originally designed it did a terrible job on everything from the structure to the overall aesthetics of the site.

A couple of months ago I had to change the image on the main page. I went a little overboard and changed it quite a bit. I just couldn't stand to look at it the way it was. So, while not having permission to redesign the site, I worked within the constructs of what I had. I think it turned out pretty good for what it was.

Recently I had to make some more changes to it and ended up with a whole new design. Unfortunately, I may not get to implement the design as I would have to redo the whole site to match the new look. That will be done, but probably not for awhile.

I'm posting the three versions of the home page so you can see the different phases the site went through. (Although the 2nd version is more like a version2.1 as I modified it again to incorporate some of the new look.)

You can click on each image to view it live. The first one is the original, second one is live now, third one is the new design.

Another W1K 3rd Place Entry

Here is another one of my entries on worth1000.com which received 3rd place. I wish I had more time as this image really had potential for 1st place. But as it was I barely got it entered before the deadline. Still not bad I think =) The contest itself is here.

New Site For a New Year

Kicking off the new year by launching our redesigned, new and improved FarberwareCookware.com site! A lot of work went into this site at the end of last year so it's great to see it finally go live.

Next on the list is the gigantic task of redesigning potsandpans.com. Hopefully it will be done by the end of the year.